Observations on Small Town Life

(from the road, Februaury 2006)

I took a nice little break from my healthy rituals for the weekend... I ate junk food, I didn't work out, didn't shave, had fun. I was just like the kid I was in college... in the Army again! One note to those of you out there... the gruff mountain-man look of not shaving for three days does not mesh well with designer clothing. It really takes some panache to pull it off and, though I tried to swing it, I couldn't.

Anywhoo... driving from Miami to Mt. Vernon, Ohio takes you through some interesting places. To some of you out west and up north, this means THE SOUTH. Georgia, South Cackalacky, North Cackalacky, Virginia, and West Virginia. Where the men are men, and the sheep are skittish. Where, I shit you not, people stared at me and asked what my iPod was. And I asked them where their teeth were.

Okay, so... I made some observations along the way. Most are about small towns in general.

1. It is hard to carve an especially small competitive niche in small-town economies, so entrepeneurs much branch out. I found this by straying off the beaten path in North Florida and in the Cackalackies. There were such incongruous juxtapositions of trade and craft as: Natural Nail Salon and Lutheran Church; Deland Funeral Home and Pawn Shop; Marion's Day Care and Adult Novelty Store. Okay, so I made that last one up... but you get the point.

2. Population rates become inversely proportional to the amount of intellectual diversion available to the populace. It was made known to me that most young women under the age of 25, in Mt. Vernon at least, were unwed and were expecting their first child... if they didn't have one already. After hearing answers to what there was to do at night in such towns, I have discerned that all there is to do is drink and fuck. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing... unless it's the only thing to do. It didn't even seem to be a bad idea that some 18 year old girls had three kids from three different fathers, and were in an abusive relationship with a fourth man currently. I'm not passing judgment, nor am I commenting on whether it's good/bad, right/wrong, etc... I'm just saying.

3. Provincialism results in the kind of geniality that we more "urbane" citizens do not appreciate. At a gas station, we were filling up the pimpin' ride that my buddy Jon and I made the trek in. It proudly displayed our Florida license plate. A gentleman saw it, whistled, and attempted to make small talk.

"So, you boys come up here for just the cold weather?"

"No, we came here for the stupid questions..."

4. Cops is not just a show, it's a way of life. People all seem to have police scanners in their living rooms. They are all right next to the televisions. They are all listened to intently. TV's get muted. I couldn't tell you how many times I watched the tube get muted and the owners of whichever home I was in gather around the scanner and say, "Shhh! You've gotta hear this! You ain't gonna believe this shit!" And most times, I didn't.

5. The sum total of human ingenuity has still failed to provide for the most essential invention imagineable. A fucking thermal insulator to warm up toilet seats before you sit on them. I don't know how you people up north (and in colder climes, in general) deal with that shit. I shrieked like a six-year-old girl with a skinned knee on at least 3 different occasions (mainly because of the Twinkies and beef jerky I ate on the ride up).

6. Oral/Dental hygiene is something not to be taken lightly. I was simply appalled. I am anal retentive about my oral health (well, duh!), but I was utterly shocked when I realized the following: people all knew I was from out of town the second I smiled or said hello. When I asked the gentleman I was visiting how the fuck that was possible, he said, "Easy. You've got all your teeth and they're white."

AAAAAAaaaaaaaarrrrrggghhhh!!!!

Where Do you Fit in the World?

I began to think about the role of the individual in society. Of the singular individual and his place in religion. Of whether or not it is acceptable (to me, at least... screw anyone else) to be blindly led about your existence and not have a firm sense of self-identity. That's some deep shit for a Monday morning!

But this is an issue that all people will have to deal with in their lives. It is a cental pillar of creating one's sense of self identity... of which I have found there to be several. The first (in no particular order) is a person's self-definition and conceptualization of God. Mine can be found here. The second is one's identity as a sexual being... excellent points-of-view may be found on the Psycho Bitch's blog yesterday. The third is how one relates themself to the world around them (society, family, religion, etc.)

Please note that I have drawn a distinction above between how one views God and how one fits into a member of a religious entity. They are not one and the same. If you believe that they are, I have some real estate on Neptune that has a wonderful southern exposure you may want to buy.

This is Neptune:

Anywho, what I want to talk about in more detail today (and it's my fucking blog, so we will do what I want) is that last pillar of self identity.

We are all born into society, signatories to what Locke and Rousseau have so aptly dubbed "the Social Contract." What does this mean? This means, as Hobbes so poignantly described in Leviathan, life is ugly, mean, nasty, brutish, and short. So, in order to mitigate some of this unpleasantness, we must sacrifice certain things in order to ensure predictability, structure, and above all, order. Being a part of civil society means that you give up your absolute claim to libertarianism, give up the premise of "might makes right," and agree to live by the Golden Rule so that we can all be shiny happy people.

We agree to cede some of these "natural rights" and allow government to step in and issue some kind of oversight. Government by the consent of the governed, and all that. And that is where we invariably fuck up.

I am a firm believer in the "informed consent" approach to being a member of society. This means that I am a signatory to the social contract, but i like to be aware of what I'm signing. I consider myself a fairly enlightened person. I have a sharp intellect and a fairly well-honed ability to communicate it through the written and spoken word (if I didn't, there's no goddam way you would have made it this far into the blog). As such, I implore people to think about their role in society. Not like a butcher, a baker, a candlestick maker... not that kind of role. I encourage people to think before they act. To have enough sense of self to, if they follow certain trends and tendencies, to at least know why and to acknowledge that recognition.

I refuse to accept anything on face, which has been both a powerful strength and debilitating weakness in my life. I love to look beneath the surface (especially if it's the surface of some sheer negligee), and am generally more interested in the why than the how. The how is the easy part... anyone can dissect and digest how something works. What's interesting is why. We know what the bible says, and how it was handed down... but why? Was it the will and word of God that it simply be done? Methinks not. *dodges lightning bolt or three*

I think that religion was a basic instrument of shoe-horning people into society, to absolve them of personal responsibility in their own development. But also, religious tenets served to reinforce the basic building blocks of social order. We all know about the Ten Commandments and what they say... but why do they say what they say? Eh?

Thou shalt not steal, kill, covet thy neighbor's wife, bear false prophet, etc... all pretty clear guideline on how to avoid chaos and disharmony... to avoid social regression into the "savage garden." Pretty exclusionary rules, though aren't they? Ever noticed that they pretty much are all "Thou shalt not...?" But I digress... That's one of the big reasons I take issue with organized religion, because it encourages acceptance of things without question. Faith is a wonderful thing, but it cannot be the only thing. "Faith without works is dead." Follow the word unquestioningly because it is the word. Fuck that. Why am I being told this? Is there logic behind it Who made this dude God? It's when we look at the inherent value of the messages themselves that we can truly appreciate what is being said in religion. In society. In school. In our professions. Don't be a follower... not without knowing why you're following. Are you a sheep or a border collie?

Very few of us will get to become shepherds, the ones that so powerfully change the course of social evolution that they get to decide what path we will follow. But you can be a border collie if you know what the fuck is going on. You can run out and see if the direction you're headed is a good one. You can help to influence those around you, and bring in the stragglers.
Sorry, my imagery is running weak here.

I hope you all get my point. Think for yourselves. Don't buy into the herd mentality... of religion, pop culture, politics, etc. without informed consent.

God and Faith

Okay, I'm waiting for my iPod to charge so I can hit the gym and jam to some tunes... I figured that now would be a good time to elaborate on my views on God and faith, as I promised my friend Steve. So here we go.

A few weeks ago I posted a passage that I wrote some time ago regarding my perceptions on the formation of the "God ideal" in the human psyche. I still believe alot of what I wrote, but there has been an evolution of sorts in my mind as to what is more important. I wrote towards the end that I have come to believe that the implicit actions of faith have become more important (to me) than what I may actually have faith in. Some comments I received posed the dangers of "blind faith," but I would like to make a more clear delineation on the subject.

To me, faith is a way for me to connect with the God of my understanding. Yes, you read that right... the God of my understanding. I always had a little difficulty putting stock in the more rigid religious interpretations of who or what God may be and how he may govern the universe. I find that I am much more able to communicate with an ideal of a higher power that I have created, imbued with characteristics and traits that I find to more in line with how I interpret the world.

Blasphemy, you say? Creating my own personal Jesus so that I may be holy in my own mind? Not quite. I believe that God is more personal to each of us than religion allows. I think that whatever higher spirit exists out there, be it a benevolent deity, a grand unifying force, or simply reverse entropy, is a force that allows us to be more than we are. I find that my beliefs in God allow me to escape the constraints of my own mind and body, to become more connected to my friends, family, and community than my individual self would normally be. I do not feel as isolated as I used to... and I am never really alone.

So what does that mean when it comes to faith? I believe that faith becomes a two-way street when the ideas are developed enough. I have come to believe in that power above and beyond myself, and have the sense that God believes in me. Sound corny or sophomoric? Perhaps, but I have the devout belief that God will never put more in front of me than he (so I'm masculine in my interpretations of God... sue me) knows I can handle. Good or bad. Feast or famine. Joy or despair. He has merely given me the power to follow whatever path is in his will for me.
My faith in him. His faith in me. They do not need to depend on each other, but they tend to reinforce each other. The more I have faith in him, the more strongly I feel his faith in me.
(just checked my iPod... got a while to go)

It is that feeling of open communication that has become more important to me than the exact formation or vision of God that I may have. True, I believe in a caring, understanding God who is benevolent and forgiving. But one who is there for those who look for him. He is not the all-powerful, all-engaging deity who personally handles each event in the universe... I think he's more of a hands-off mediator.

But I digress...

Those avenues of connection with God give me strength. I'm sure that the methods and practices of faith for different individuals have similar power, for whether one believes in Jesus, Jehovah, Allah, Buddha, Vishnu, or what-have-you, it is the nature of the belief that has more effect on the believer's life than the concrete imagery of that deity itself. Does a vengeful God force them to guide their actions based on credible fear of holy retribution, or do they base them upon their perceptions of approval/disapproval of their divine entity... as a child does seeking parental approval? Does one fear a spanking more than disappointment? I guess that's a question that is much more personal in nature than I can truly fathom, but I know how I stand on the issue.

And now you do, too.

What is God?

What is God?

I used to think about this quite often. Although I am now a more spiritual man than I once was, the concept of God as a creator in the form of modern Judeo-Christian thought is one I disagree with.

God is a construct of the human mind formed to shield itself form discovering its own inherent limitations. What does that mean? God, as an idea, is the product of limited comprehension. No, I do not mean an idea borne of stupid people just that the human psyche has limits and finite boundaries to its comprehension and interpretation. If you wonder what I mean, or doubt how this sounds, there is an easy test. Think about nothing.

Congratulations, you failed. Some image formed in your mind, didnt it? Blackness? Darkness? Emptiness? Face it, these are all tangible concepts. Blackness is merely the absence of light, not the presence of nothingness. Blackness and darkness are, in themselves, states of being. In their absence, there is still presence. Frustrating, isnt it? Even emptiness as a concept shows the inherent limitation of mans cognitive abilities. Emptiness requires an outermost boundary, for as a concept, emptiness is contained within existence. It is defined in relative terms to what that contains that emptiness kind of like how a hollow Easter bunny is hollow only because that empty space is constrained by a milk chocolate caricature.

Now youre getting pissed at me. Indignantly, you protest, I can think of nothingness. I can perceive infinity! Okay then, answer me this: what happens when you die?

Got your attention now, dont I? If you answered, I dont know, then you have proved my point beyond a question of a doubt. You have demonstrated another inherent limitation in cognition the failure of acceptance of an end to perception. I believe you are no longer sentient, and thats it. No afterlife. No reincarnation. No nothing. Clap on, clap off, you are out like a cheap lamp.

So what does this have to do with God?

Well, our limited minds have attempted to cope with this question of infinitum and emptiness by creating a linear approach to temporal existence. Yep, thats right time. This concept allows one to perceive existence as extending eternally in one direction. Okay, you say, but what about our inability to grasp such a concept? Aha! Well, ever wonder why all the interest exists in the Big Bang? Why do we expend so much energy on such a complex theory on how it all began? We do it precisely because it is a definitive, finite, tangible, conceptually feasible explanation of the universe. You can point to it. You can say, well, it began here It helps us avoid having to tackle a bigger question, one which our limited minds could never grasp one that would drive us fucking batshit trying to answer. What if there was no beginning? What if there just was?

Ouch. Hurts your head, right? Kind of makes you wonder if there really is a purpose to anything, right? If we just are in a universe that is beyond our comprehension, we would likely crack. Our minds would lose perspective on the now, the future, the past. We have to create a linear progression because its the only measuring stick we have to monitor our growth, our only reference to what is and what was or will be.

But how is that possible? Even if we simply were, the concept of simple existence defies comprehension. How did we get here? How did the are come to be?

As you scratch you head on that one, ponder this could we stay sane if we didnt create God as an answer to these questions?


I wrote that about 7 years ago. As I think about God now, I see the idea of a higher power as a construct of my own mind... my own opinions of God have manifested them self in my own personal deity. Hehe... my own Personal Jesus. And I have come to the conclusion that sometimes it is more important that you have faith in something than whatever it is you may have faith in.